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Jesus Pets Legal Agreement

Agreement written by Jesus Pets.

Monday, 22 March 2004

Jesus Pets Customer Agreement

This document is an agreement between {customer} (“CUSTOMER”) and Jesus Pets (“JESUS PETS”) under the following conditions:

  1. JESUSPETS is engaged in the business of providing comfort to proprietors of domesticated animals by establishing plans for the caretaking of such animals in the future event of THE RAPTURE.
  2. CUSTOMER desires to obtain the comfort provided by JESUS PETS.
  3. PETS are one or more domesticated animals currently owned by CUSTOMER, and owned at the occurrence of THE RAPTURE. PETS may include domesticated animals commonly referred to as “dogs,” “cats,” “birds,” and “fish.” Other common pets such as hamsters, gerbils, hedgehogs, lizards, and iguanas may also be acceptable at the discretion of JESUS PETS. Illegal exotic pets will NOT be considered.
  4. THE RAPTURE is defined as an event in which several unmistakable actions occur and are reported by whatever information mediums continue to be reasonably available:A significant number of people worldwide, including CUSTOMER, suddenly disappear from Earth.
  5. The countries of the world, or at least Europe, will consolidate around a single world leader that will force everyone, small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark of his right hand or on his forehead, so that no one can buy or sell unless he has the mark

In consideration of the mutual promises, covenants and agreements contained herein, the parties have agreed and do agree as follows:

  1. CUSTOMER agrees to provide updated contact information, and to keep that contact information updated.
  2. Should THE RAPTURE occur, JESUS PETS will attempt to contact CUSTOMER.
  3. Should JESUS PETS be unable to contact CUSTOMER, JESUS PETS will attempt to obtain the living PETS owned by CUSTOMER, and bring those pets into the custody of JESUS PETS.
  4. If JESUS PETS is able to obtain living PETS, JESUS PETS will use any remaining resources available to provide food and shelter for PETS, for the duration of the remaining natural life of PETS.
  5. If it can be shown that PETS or CUSTOMER deceased before THE RAPTURE occurred, then JESUS PETS is not responsible for the care of PETS.
  6. If the CUSTOMER remains alive and on Earth after the rapture has occurred, JESUS PETS is not responsible for the care of PETS.
  7. CUSTOMER agrees to pay to JESUS PETS a monthly fee from the time of this agreement until the RAPTURE occurs or the PETS are deceased.
  8. JESUS PETS reserves the right to change the fees as necessary, and will notify CUSTOMER at the given contact information.
  9. JESUS PETS reserves the right to remove other pet-related items from CUSTOMERS household that might assist in caretaking for PETS (such as leashes, food bowls, aquariums, and so on).
  10. While JESUS PETS will do its best to care for PETS, it cannot be held responsible for unforeseen injuries or death to PETS, should rampant fires, acid rain, sudden earthquakes or other features of the post-apocalytic times be to difficult to overcome.
  11. Should non-Christian family members, neighbors, or friends of CUSTOMER express an interest in caretaking of PETS, JESUS PETS reserves the right to leave the PETS in their custody after an evaluation of the living conditions and care to be provided. This Agreement is effective as of {date}.

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